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Mawwiage

A pastor in California said that marriage is an institution and if we change the definition it won't be an institution anymore.  But the institution of marriage is constantly evolving.  It wasn't that long ago that women weren't allowed to vote or own property. They were considered the property of their husbands and had no recourse if they were abused by their husbands.  The institution is constantly evolving and I think it's time it evolved a bit more.

Date #3

Date #3 went well, too.  This one was with the Guy from Last Year.  I could tell he was nervous at first, but we got a good conversation going.  He told me about his trip to Alaska, I told him about my trip to England and he loosened up. He made me laugh. He's definitely a laid back, quiet sort of guy, but with a wicked sense of humour.  After dinner we went to an a capella concert a co-worker of mine, Marc, was in.  He'd never heard a capella before so he wasn't sure what he was in for, but he really got into it. He was singing along with some of the songs and he got really excited when they did a Styx song.  He has a good voice, too.  It was a 15 year anniversary concert thing so they had alumni from the group (called "The Buffalo Chips" if you want to check it out. It's the male a capella group of the University of Buffalo. They're probably on YouTube) and they did songs they'd sung in the past and sort of moved up to modern day. In the second  half of the concert, the current group performed their three pieces they won the Regional ICCA competitions with and that they're going to perform at the Lincoln Center at the end of the month for the National competitions. They were very good. This wasn't just a bunch of guys standing around singing in harmony, they had dance steps and motions and it was very, very good. They did a song called "Fireflies" by Owl City and when they started it, they all had little LED lights that they flickered around like little fireflies.  It was really cool and I remember Marc told me it was his idea and I was glad to see it turned out so well. There were times when their harmonies were PERFECT.  I mean PERFECT, it was impressive.  Even Mr. Last Year noticed. After one of the songs he leaned over to me and just said "Wow."   And they brought everybody back at the end to do a couple songs, one involved the audience singing along, which Mr. Last Year loved (as did I) and then they did Toto's "Africa" and then ended with "Crazy Little Thing Called Love".  Big crowd pleasers.  So, anyway, great concert. 

I accidentally took the wrong road driving back to the restaurant and ended up way north of where we needed to be, but he was nice about it. Though, after the u-turn I took when I missed the turn to the university, he probably thinks I'm a crazy driver.  But when we got back, he said he'd had a great time and asked if I wanted to do something else another time and I said yes and he gave me a hug and got out of the car (it was weird being the dropper off and not the dropped off. usually it's the other way around.)  I'm not sure how I feel about him yet, but I know I like him and he's fun to be around. I can't tell if it's going to go anywhere yet, I need to see him again and get to know him better.  But, it was a lot of fun and I laughed a lot.  

So, the Mailman is out, and the Doctor and Mr. Last Year move to the next round. I'm seeing The Doctor Monday night, so we'll see how that goes. 

Oh, and here is a link to the group doing "Fireflies" but without the cool dancing and without my friend Marc. He had just joined and wasn't performing yet.  But you can hear some of the great harmonies. I was very impressed. I've seen my fair share of a capella before and as a musician I noticed the flat notes and the guy who tries to hit that really high note and misses and the guy who is just a tiny bit off rhythm. 

And here's them doing "Lady" but Styx, which Mr. Last Year really loved.

Ok, off to watch Dr. Who and then I have to go to the laundromat! Laters!

Date #2

Dud! Total dud! 

Ok, here's what happened. He showed up right after me at the restaurant but there was a bit of a wait so I tried to make small talk but it was like pulling teeth.  He'd give me short little answers or vague answers or whatever.  I figured he was nervous and tried to make him feel comfortable so he'd open up more. When we got our table, he was upset that it wasn't a booth and I asked him if he wanted to move, he said no. I asked him if he'd be more comfortable with his back to the wall in my seat and he said yes, but then refused to sit there. And then it took him FOREVER to order. I even tried suggesting things he might like, no help.  The waitress left us for about 20 minutes. I was starving and nibbling on chips,which he wouldn't eat because he's trying to avoid carbs and fried foods.  I nearly starting crying when the waitress told him he got two sides with his meal and then proceeded to give him about 15 options. He could not make up his mind!!!  Finally I suggested he get some yucca fries because neither of us had ever tried yucca before (they were bland.)  More teeth pulling conversation.  He gets a salad, complains about it. I'm still waiting for my food. My food finally arrives, he scarfs down his burger, complains about it and then sits there fidgeting while I finish eating.  He got a little better with the conversation when we got off other stuff and went back to Sci Fi. He went on about Farscape and Lost and BSG.  When the waitress brought around the dessert menu, he said "the good thing about me is that i never get dessert. Unless there's something with peanut butter in it, but not chocolate. I hate chocolate. So, I hardly ever get dessert."  I didn't want dessert, but the fact that he didn't do the polite thing and ask, but just announced he wasn't getting any bugged me.  And, they had some interesting fruit sorbets served in the fruit! Coconut in the shell, mango in the rind, etc.  But then the check came and I did the polite reach for my wallet thing, which he ignored.  So then I felt I had to make the half hearted attempt to pay for my share, to which he said "I dunno, if you want you can, I guess, whatever."  ARGH.  I very very nearly said "The correct answer is "No!", moron!"  I bit my tongue.  

By then I was ready to go but he was still quite comfortable sitting and talking, but then I said something about my cat and he said "I don't think I could own a cat." and made a "I don't like cats" face.  Dude, it says in my profile that I have a cat!!! I was so ready to go by then, but I talked about how cute he was as a kitten and how there's never a dull moment with Horatio around.  Finally I suggest we leave and start putting on my coat. We walk outside, but he doesn't say anything so I thank him for dinner and head for my car. As I'm walking away he asks where I watch Dr. Who and I tell him sidereel.com and get in my car and drive away. He never bothered to ask if I wanted to see him again, I didn't have to make an awkward "I like you, but only as friends" speech, it just ended.  THANK GOODNESS.  He seems like a nice guy, he's sweet and kind of cute, but he's not decisive and he has nothing interesting to say.

So yeah, the Doctor is still in the lead!!  We'll see what happens tomorrow night.  Stay tuned...

The Three Date Weekend

Ok, so I've started online dating. I decided it was time to get out there again. So last Friday I went out with a guy we'll call The Doctor (not THAT Doctor. I totally wish). We met for lunch at the mall and then walked around a park.  It was nice. He's very smart and interesting so we talked all about smart, interesting, intellectual things.  But at the park he tried to kiss me and I wasn't expecting it so I leaned back and stopped him. I felt really embarrassed about it, but he handled it well and still said he wanted to see me again.  Tonight we met up again and grabbed dinner and talked for a long time. We have a lot in common and haven't run out of things to say yet.  Plus, he's cute. So I'd like to see him again. And, we fixed the mishap from the last date.  :)

But, tomorrow night I'm going out for Mexican with a guy we'll call The Mailman. He's a Sci-fi nerd, so this should be interesting.

And then Saturday night I'm meeting up with The Guy From Last Year for pizza and I'm taking him with me to go see a co-worker perform in his a capella group.  If we make it through dinner, that is.

Yes, that's right. I have three dates, with three different men, in three consecutive days. I'm thinking of this as the elimination round.  Like it's a dating game show! They just don't realize they're playing. 

This is going to be an interesting weekend.

good days and bad days

Lately I've been up and down.  Good days and bad days.  Today's a bad day. I guess it started last night when John asked if I'd come work out with him, and since working out was on the docket anyway, I said ok.  It started out good. Chit chat and exercise and nothing serious, but he kept talking about his new girlfriend, which started to grate on my nerves. It's not like he was constantly talking about her, but he'd bring her up now and again. And he wasn't saying nice things about her, either.  It was all negative stuff.  And then when I went to leave he said it was a bit hard for him because when we were dating we used to work out, then come back to his place, shower and have *ahem* special relationship time.  To which I replied "That's not my fault, you broke up with me. Call what's her name to come over."  And he tried to joke and said "That'll go over well "Hey, do you mind if I have sex with Serenity?"  Which made me angry, so I said, "Ask her to come over for special relationship time." To which he said (and this is an exact quote here.)  "She won't. We don't have good chemistry, but we're working on it."  To which I said "I"m leaving now." and promptly did just that.

It upsets me because I feel he's telling me that he broke up with me and is now dating someone who is LESS compatible with him, who makes him LESS happy and with whom he has less of a chance of having a future and a long term relationship.  How is that comforting? Plus, I totally don't want to hear about her, see her, think about her.  I could handle working out, chit chatting about work and whatnot, but not that.  Not knowing about his (lack of a) sex life.  So today I told him that if we were going to stay on friendly terms he was going to have to stop saying negative things about her.  And he apologized and said that he didn't want to say good things about her because he didn't want to hurt my feelings so he stupidly said bad things.  I suggested perhaps it was best to just not talk about her. Or just say "Things are going well." and leave it at that.  

This morning I went and got my hair cut so now I have cute hair and no money and no plans to do anything today.  Which adds to the bad day.  I was SUPPOSED to be going to Toronto to see Jesse Cook in concert, who is a classical guitar player I ADORE.  Les and I bought the tickets ages ago, but as life would have it, his new girlfriend won tickets to a basketball game tonight and so he canceled the concert with me, we sold the tickets and now I have nothing to do tonight and I'm feeling a bit miserable about that.  Let me not lie. I'm a lot miserable. I'm really really disappointed.  But what can I do? I'm happy Les has found someone else, and maybe I'll eventually be happy that John has moved on, but right now I just feel left behind and alone and a bit betrayed. 

Maybe it would be easier if I could just cut all ties with my exes and move on, but the fact is that I dated them because I liked who they are and I don't stop liking who they are after we stop dating.  Plus, I spent most of my life constantly being uprooted, moving, making new friends, starting over and I'm getting to a stage in my life where I want to have some roots. I'm tried of constantly reinventing myself.  It's lonely continually starting over and I don't want to cut them out of my life.  Transitions are difficult.  And, since yesterday was Princess Bride Quote Day on Facebook, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."  It so true.

hard day

Today was a funeral service for a co-worker who passed away Sunday. So it was a really hard day in the office. Pretty much the entire Business Office came to her service and there was hardly a dry eye in the place.  She was a wonderful person and we'll miss her very much. 

With all that's been going on I just didn't feel up to chancing running into John at the gym tonight. I know I should have gone for a run, but all I could think about was getting home, having something real to eat and going to bed early. Which is what I'm going to do now. 

I'll go run Friday.  And then maybe Sunday morning, too, to make up for today.  I promise.  Tonight I just want to sleep and not have crazy weird bad dreams or wake up at 2am and toss and turn for 3 hours. 

Running

Ever since I ran the race last year, I've been excited about this year's Corporate Challenge. Not only do I want to beat my time from last year, I want to make it a big event in my company. Out of a company of about 2500 people, we had 8 participants. LAME!  We can SO do better. I want a big tent, pot luck, coolers full of beer and pop, a big giant party AND lots of people walking and running. And then I got John training with me so we could run it together this year.  We were going to the gym together and doing my Couch to 5K program together and it was a lot of fun and I was enjoying it, running was fun again.

And then we broke up.

I still am excited about the CC and I still want to get back into running and do my training program, but now when I go to the gym to run it's not fun, it's painful.  I worry I'm going to see him and it makes me think of him and how he'd make me laugh or we'd talk about what was on the tvs in between running and it was just so much nicer having a running buddy. It's depressing now and I have to force myself to go.  It makes me so angry at him but the anger doesn't help me run because it constricts my throat and then I can't breathe, which is already a problem for me when I'm running. My legs want to go faster, but my lungs don't.  So, being angry does not help me run.  

So that's where I'm at. I want to run, but it makes me miserable.  Thanks a lot, John.

Girls Night Out

In case you missed it on Facebook, John and I broke up on Tuesday.  Things aren't great for me right now.  We were supposed to go out with my friend Corrie Friday night but when I told her we broke up she suggested she and I go out for pizza and beer. I suggested we invite some other people and make it a girls night out. Now, everybody knows that when a girl has a nasty breakup, you take her out and let her drink a bit too much and bash men, her ex in particular, and tell her she's better off and all that.  So that's what I was hoping for, but that's not what I got.  

Corrie invited her friend Megan, who I met at my birthday party and is a lot of fun.  Both and she Megan are single and on the hunt. Online dating and whatnot. So the whole night they were on their iPhones, talking about emails they got from guys, checking out the guys at the restaurant, etc.  Yes, there was some guy bashing, but it's wasn't the focus of the evening.  It actually started to upset me and I said something about how they weren't helping, but they didn't get the hint.  They did make me laugh a lot, though, which was nice.

My friend Jaime came out with us and she was helpful because Jaime can say more than two sentences in a row that are not about guys.  Two other girls from my knitting group said they'd stop by later on, but they never did, which sort of disappointed me.  I guess I was really looking for a bit of a support group, to be reminded that I'm not alone, but that's not quite what I got.  And, while we did have a nice time, stopped at a coffee shop after the pizza and had chocolate torte and coffee and it was a mostly fun night, I ended up feeling worse than before I came. 

First I cried and cried, and then I was angry. Now I'm in the "everything reminds me of him" phase, which is SO not a fun place to be. Especially not with Valentine's Day a week away.  We had already made plans and I knit him a hat.  It's hard. 

But I went out today with Jaime and a couple of people that work in her lab, or in the same building.  One of the girls, Charity, is in our knitting group, too. We went to East Aurora, grabbed lunch at a coffee shop and then went to my favourite LYS, the Woolly Lamb, so they could get yarn (I'm not buying anything new until I can close the lid of my yarn bin properly again.)  It was fun, I had conversations there were NOT about men and for whole minutes at a time, I forgot my heart was broken.  I met a girl who was knitting with some yarn she had spun herself and I was happy to note that the yarn I recently spun looked just as good, if not better, than hers. That's encouraging.

Jan. 30th, 2010

John and I were supposed to go to Corning NY this weekend to see the Glass Museum. We had it all booked, tickets, hotel, classes to make our own glass souvenirs.  But he had problems getting the parts he needed to fix his car and he was totally stressed out about it and so we ended up cancelling our reservations and are going to have to go another weekend. I was really looking forward to this trip, but he would have been totally stressed out about his car and it wouldn't have been any fun.  So we're postponing. We're talking about trying to go Valentine's Day weekend, but I have to wait until he gets his car back from the shop to get him to make any concrete plans.

Instead, we had TACO NIGHT last night (we made tacos, it was awesome. We used ground boca and he liked it!) and had some friends over.  Today we were going to go sledding, but it's currently 9F outside so he went to go help his brother fix something and I went home to be warm at my place and we might go visit a friend tonight and do who knows what.  This cold weather makes me just want to sleep, eat warm things and knit. I made a mexican pepper casserole that I'm going to try soon (it smells SO GOOD) and I'm making banana bread in my bread machine (trying something new. Less sugar and fat than the normal kind.) and I might make something with the bag of chocolate chips I have in my pantry calling to me.  I love having the oven on because it warms the house right up.  And the smell of good things baking is always wonderful, anytime of the year.

So, I guess I'll catch up on Castle and maybe Dollhouse and see where the day takes me.

Jan. 28th, 2010

WHOO HOO! 

I finished the hat I was making for John for Valentine's Day and I LOVE IT. I'll post pictures after I give it to him. I really hope he likes it. It's made out of the softest, fluffiest merino wool ever and the colours striped and blended so nicely and it's reversible!  It's like wearing a warm blue variegated reversible cloud on your head.  Who doesn't want that? 

I stayed home from work today because my car and the driveway were buried in snow this morning and it would have taken forever to shovel it all.  I've got tons of PTO and this has been a slow and boring week anyway, so I wasn't too stressed about it.  It's 4pm and I'm still in my pjs.  But I am going to get dressed and go over to John's and do some laundry so I won't be stressed about getting everything done tomorrow before we leave on our trip.  It means I have to go unbury my car, though, which I am NOT looking forward to.  Best get it over with. 

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